ON RELATIONSHIP ISSUES...

Relationship is like a ship. It always sets out in calm waters, only to encounter stormy weather somewhere along its journey.

The bad news is, some relationship succumb to it but the good news is, there are always warning signs.

Couples may take note of these warning signs and do something to save their relationship. Others may just move on rather that log a dead horse.  Then, there are those who just stick their heads in the sand and hope for the best.

The course of action taken would naturally depend on the unique personal circumstances of the couple involved.

warning signs are universal and have an accumulative effect.  If you can relate to any of the warning signs below, it means your relationship may be heading for the precipice.

At the top of the list is sex, or rather, a lack if it.When you find that sex with your partner is no longer enjoyable, has become a chore or no longer exists, the countdown of your relationship sinking into oblivion may be begun.

The absence of sex occurs when you do not find your partner physically attractive any more.  Even though you may still love him/her, you are not necessarily in love with him/her to maintain sexual chemistry.

The most damaging aspect is when you start to compare  your partner with your ex-lovers; some, out of desperation, may even seek them out.

It is unusual to want to be alone occasionally, but when you start to feel uncomfortable in the presence of your partner, it is apparent that there is no more joy and happiness in your relationship.

Indeed, it has become unpleasant and intolerable, and since you cannot bear the sight of your partner, it would be safe to assume that physical contact such as touching, kissing and cuddling is out of the question.

Contact, other that sex, is very important in a relationship.  It is an expression of  love and affection between loved ones, and this tangible affection can be the first to go when couples start drifting apart.

One of the consequences of  a loveless relationship is that it makes you feel unattractive and unwanted, and feeling the way you feel, you could not care less whether you still look attractive to your partner.

Moreover, this emotional  apathy may further erode your self-esteem and self-confidence.

That being said, some of you may decide that since your relationship is kaput, you may as well throw caution to the wind and revamp your appearance, in a quest to find a new partner.

Such difficult periods, it is not uncommon for couples to seek reassurance by asking if they still love each other.

Still  some  do but those  who  do not,  may choose to lie, perhaps  to avoid hurting their partner.  However, this    only complicates matters because of the conflicting signals.

But regardless of duplicity, one thing is clear: the bind which holds them together has broken, and when that happens, there is no more joy, laughter and fun in their relationship. They do not have much to say to each other either.

Couples in a healthy relationship tend to talk about trivial or insignificant things to connect to each other, especially after a hectic day at work. It is as much about sharing as it is about mutual support.

It is bad enough when couples do not talk to each other but it is worse when they find themselves going ‘ugh’ each time their partner does something.

They do not become hypersensitive to their partner’s previously tolerable habits, and if they are compelled to nit-pick their partner’s every move, it could well end up in a big row.

So, to avoid that, it is expedient to stay away from each other. However, this may not necessarily be the best long-term solution as problems can only be solved by talking to each to her.

Being trapped in an unhappy relationship is in some ways worse that serving time in prison.

I can sense that some of the readers of this column may snigger at my remarks - well, okay, perhaps not as dramatic as that, but nonetheless it has ring of truth to it. At least prisoners know they will be released after they have served their sentence.  But when a couple is trapped in an unhappy marriage, it can leave both partners in a limbo for eternity unless they decide to do something to revive their relationship.

If there is nothing left to salvage, for the sake of their  own sanity, they should just leave rather that put up with the endless suffering which make both lives a living hell.

Article from The Sun on 13/1/12 by Leon Chin. 

 

Something to ponder for those who are married  and for those young couples who are getting married, take note of this. This advise comes from the doctor who wrote this article.