When someone close
dies, it can leave us with a sense of loss that is overwhelming, unbearable and
indescribable.
Since death comes to
all of us, we tend to accept mortality as part of life- that is, until we lose
someone close to us It is only then that
we come to realise the enormity of death.
One of the saddest
and most painful experience in life is indeed losing our loved ones. The sense of loss is overwhelming, unbearable
and indescribable.
I never understand
the pain and the sadness his wife and children are going through. The are deprived of a loving husband and a
doting father. The fact that his
children know that they will never have opportunity to repay their father in
kind for the sacrifice he made is particularly poignant and hard to
reconcile. This will only exacerbate
their grief.
While some people
are fortunate enough to prepare for the passing of their loved ones who have
been ill over a long period, others like my friend’s family were never that
providential.
Because of the
sudden death, they are denied the opportunity to say their farewells. This makes their sense of loss all the more
painful.
And it does not
necessarily follow that the loss of a family member is always more profound
than say, the loss of a friend. It is
not the type of relationship that determines the intensity of grief.
It is the nature and quality of that relationship that matters.
Regardless, the pain
and sadness due to bereavement are all not real and the bereaved will grieve in
their own unique ways.
The immediate
reactions to death can be a mixture of shock, confusion and denial. It is often difficult to comprehend instantly
the horror of death, and therefore, cutting oneself off from that realit y is
an instinctive reactions.
This defence
mechanism (denial), however, serves to delay the emotional pain only
temporarily as the distressing symptoms will at some point emerge. When it does, it does so with a vengeance.
The roller-coaster
of emotions include hysteria, depressions, stress and anxiety or even
numbness. Problems with intimacy, eating
and sleeping as common .
Some may develop
physical symptoms such as irregular heartbeats , breathlessness and dizziness,
which are symptomatic of emotional disease.
There are some who
simply are unable to contain their anguish and pain, and so will cry constantly
and without inhabitions. Conversely,
some would grieve in private to conceal their sorrows in spite of their great
emotional distress. Each to his/her own,
one would imagine.
Besides sadness and
depression, another emotion that stands out is anger. Depending on their belief systems, it is
quiet normal for some of the bereaved to question their own faith as they may
end up cursing God or asking the rhetorical question: “Why?”
We often hear people
known of their good deeds or kind-heartedness dying young and those who commit
all sorts of hideous deeds living till old age.
It seems the good die young.
There is no
consolation however to those who have loss their loved ones. It does not, in any way, lessen the pain. They may rather have their
loved ones back.
Guilt is often felt
too, giving rise to self-reflection or introspection. Some, for example, feel they should have
treated the departed better. Other might
even blamed themselves for their
passing.
The emptiness and
loneliness felt by the bereaved further compound their miseries. It is for
people going through bereavement to receive as much support as possible from
family members, friends, colleagues, and even counsellors.
It will be a long
and winding road to recovery as it takes time to gather the shattered pieces of
their lives.
It helps for them to
know that their dearly departed will never be forgotten, and they can do no
other than wait for time to heal their emotional pain.
Time is a good
healer. That said, some of the bereaved are simply unable to move on and they
seem to have lost the will to live. It is common to hear
of people who lose their loved one to die of broken-heartedness..
Part of article written by Leon Chin (The Sun
27 Jan ’12)
